Day +280 : Planning

I am fine today. This morning I am back to morning 's qi gong class.

I dropped by to Lay Hong's shop yesterday, returning some books to her. We chit chat for nearly an hour plus. We were sharing our life story. Both of us have been experiencing the difficult episode in our life before, we have muddling through the journey.

Sometimes my colleague asked what is your plan ? I said I don't plan, but the most important thing is to have happy life every day. Life sometimes is unpredictable, appreciate what you have now. Forget the future or past.

Day +279 : Birthday Party

I am fine. Yesterday night I took a 100mg Thilax given by doctor, it really make me drowsy, I miss the morning qi gong class.

Last Sunday, Xin Yi attended her classmate's birthday party, Jasmine Yeo. Kid is always excited when have chance to attend birthday celebration. Xin Yi told me she wake up early because of her friend birthday.

Jasmine told Xin Yi , she is very lucky , not need to attend many classes. Jasmine only off on Sunday. She need to attend additional cl assess from Monday to Saturday. I realise kid can be happier just by giving them more time to play instead of tuition

Day +278 : Follow Up

I am fine today.

I have a follow up with Dr Alan today. My last follow up was about a month ago 30 June.

HB : 14.7 (13.6) ( Normal Range 13.0 to 18.0)
Platelets: 126 (151) Normal Range 150 to 400)
Total WBC : 5.3 (8.9) Normal Range 4.0 to 11.0)

The platelets drop mainly due to GVHD ( a rejection). I asked Alan why I always feel breathless. For example, even working from car park to Dr Alan's clinic O( about 150m), I feel short of breath. The answer is - GVHD happen in my lung. Today, he add additional drug which to be taken at alternative day. The side effect is the drug make you drowsy. My next follow up is two weeks from now. I will do the lung test by that time.

Day +275 : Happiness

I am fine today. I did not attend this morning exercise, I don't get a good sleep last night. So, I skip the morning qi gong class, in return I sleep through until 8:30am. I used to get up at 6:00am.

Why I can't sleep well ? probably I think too much.

Day +274 : Side effect of Prednisolon - steroid

I am fine today. I spent more time in the office now. Sometimes I spent whole day in the office. I am more actively involved in the daily business.

I have been taking steroid Prednisolon daily since my transplant as a measure to combat the GVHD. Currently the dosage rate has been reduce from 2 tablets to 1.5 tables per day.

• According to document on the Wikipedia, the side effects of Prednisolon includes:
  weight gain
  facial swelling
  depression, mania, or other psychiatric symptoms
  unusual fatigue or weakness
  Mental confusion/indecisiveness
  blurred vision
  abdominal pain
  peptic ulcer
  infections
  painful hips or shoulders
  osteoporosis
  acne breakouts
  insomnia (sleeping disorder)
  severe joint pain
  cateracts

Currently I have facial swelling and acne breakouts only

The doctor start reducing my Prednisolon dosage. It can be life-threatening to stop the drug abruptly especially for those who has taken it over a long period of time. Therefore, I would expect it will take months before I can stop taking this drug.

Day +273 : Shortness of breath

I am fine. I miss my morning qi gong class due to the rain.

I experience shortness of breath for quite sometimes. It look like I always need to breath deeper to get in the oxygen. In the same time, my heart bit also faster than normal.

It may due to medication I took. Then, I hope this symptom was slowly get away.

Day +270 : Flying Kite

I am fine.

My daughter Xin Yi has been asking me to buy her a kite many times. Kid right now is smart in negotiating deal, when I asked her to practice piano and do Kumon, in return, she want something. In order not to upset her again, I bought a kite on last Saturday, the price is RM13 , come with string as well.

I still have to avoid the sunlight, my younger sister bring them to fly the kite. I just took some photos and head back to house immediately. Xin Yi told me she enjoy the games.

Day +265 :

I am fine today. Tong Chai e-mail us a wise about life. Like to share with :


人之所以痛苦，在于追求错误的东西。
如果你不给自己烦恼，别人也永远不可能给你烦恼。
因为你自己的内心，你放不下。 好好的管教你自己，不要管别人。
你随时要认命，因为你是人。 这个世界本来就是痛苦的，没有例外的。
你什么时候放下，什么时候就没有烦恼。

每一种创伤，都是一种成熟。
当你烦恼的时候，你就要告诉你自己，这一切都是假的，你烦恼什么？ 根本不必回头去看咒骂你的人是谁，如果有一条疯狗咬你一口，难道你也要趴下去反咬他一口吗？ 忌妒别人，不会给自己增加任何的好处。忌妒别人，也不可能减少别人的成就。
永远不要浪费你的一分一秒，去想任何你不喜欢的人。 得不到的东西，我们会一直以为他是美好的，那是因为你对他了解太少，没有时间与他相处在一起。
当有一天，你深入了解后，你会发现原不是你想像中的那么美好。
这个世间只有圆滑，没有圆满的。 不要刻意去猜测他人的想法，如果你没有智慧与经验的正确判断，通常都会有错误的。 你要感谢告诉你缺点的人。

时间总会过去的，让时间流走你的烦恼吧！ 不要因为小小的争执，远离了你至亲的好友，也不要因为小小的怨恨，忘记了别人的大恩。
感谢上苍我所拥有的，感谢上苍我所没有的。
当你手中抓住一件东西不放时，你只能拥有这件东西，如果你肯放手，你就有机会选择别的。
人的心若死执自己的观念，不肯放下，那么他的智慧也只能达到某种程度而已。

如果你能够平平安安的渡过一天，那就是一种福气了。多少人在今天已经见不到明天的太阳，多少人在今天已经成了残废，多少人在今天已经失去了自由，多少人在今天已经家破人亡。
恶口永远不要出自于我们的口中，不管他有多坏，有多恶。
你愈骂他，你的心就被污染了，你要想，他就是你的善知识。

你不要常常觉得自己很委曲，你应该要想，他对我这样已经很好了，这就是修行的功夫。
世界原本就不是属于你，因此你用不着抛弃，要抛弃的是一切的执著。
万物皆为我所用，但非我所属。
学会用理解的，欣赏的眼光去看对方，而不是以自以为是的关心去管对方。
成熟的人不问过去；聪明的人不问现在；豁达的人不问未来。
发光并非太阳的专利，你也可以发光。
你可以用爱得到全世界，你也可以用恨失去全世界。
爱的力量大到可以使人忘记一切，却又小到连一粒嫉妒的沙石也不能容纳。
人总是珍惜未得到的，而遗忘了所拥有的。 如你想要拥有完美无暇的友谊，可能一辈子找不到朋友。
如果觉得有意思,不妨转发给你的好朋友

Day +263 :

I am fine today. I feel physically better compared to yesterday.

I am right now at Papa Koptiam, having few slides of toast ( butter/kaya) and a cup of tea. I must said the tea smell good. I remembered during young time, my dad used to brought us to kopitiam and the tea taste exactly the one I am drinking now. The different is , the tea at Papa cost few times more + they provide free WIFI.

Due to my mouth ulcer ,only soft food can accommodate me. Last Sunday, I was having a teabreak with Fong Ming at Secrete Recipe. I had a marble cheese cake + a cup of vanilla latte. The marble cheese cake is their award winnning product.

Day +260 : Dry Mouth

I am not feeling well today, My dry mouth have cause me a great problem in eating. I can only choose soft food. and also it irritate every I chew the food.

Dr Ala Teh told this is due to GVHD, and asked me to put cream to maintain the moisture. I hope the problem will settle down in the next few days or I think my weight will drop again.

Day +258 : Side effect of Cyclosporine

I am taking Cyclosporine to control the GVHD, An immunosuppressive agent - It is used to decrease the immune system's response to a transplanted.

For many months, I am having dumbness in feet and hand due to these drug. Now I have another new issue, my gum bleed, also due to the drug. The Internet reveal much information about the drug

What should I watch for while using this medicine?
Visit your doctor or health care professional for regular checks on your progress. You will have regular blood checks. Do not change the brand of medicine unless directed by your doctor or health care professional. If you get a cold or other infection while receiving this medicine, call your doctor or health care professional. Do not treat yourself. The medicine may decrease your body's ability to fight infections. You may get drowsy or dizzy. Do not drive, use machinery, or do anything that needs mental alertness until you know how this medicine affects you. Do not stand or sit up quickly, especially if you are an older patient. This reduces the risk of dizzy or fainting spells. Alcohol may interfere with the effect of this medicine. Avoid alcoholic drinks. This medicine can make you more sensitive to the sun. Keep out of the sun. If you cannot avoid being in the sun, wear protective clothing and use sunscreen. Do not use sun lamps or tanning beds/booths. The medicine can cause unusual growth of gum tissue and can make your gums bleed. Practice good oral hygiene, and be careful when brushing and flossing your teeth. See your dentist regularly.

What side effects may I notice from receiving this medicine?
Side effects that you should report to your doctor or health care professional as soon as possible:
allergic reactions like skin rash, itching or hives, swelling of the face, lips, or tongue
changes in vision
high blood pressure
increased urge to urinate or frequent urination
numbness or tingling in the hands and feet
seizures
severe stomach pain
vomiting
yellowing of the skin or the whites of the eyes Side effects that usually do not require medical attention (report to your doctor or health care professional if they continue or are bothersome):
bleeding or tender gums, overgrowth of gum tissue
diarrhea
excessive hair growth on the face or body
nausea
tremors This list may not describe all possible side effects. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088.

Day +257 : Dry Mouth

I am suffering from dry mouth syndrome because my saliva glands are attacked by my own immune system – one of the symptoms of post bone marrow transplant side effect called graft versus host disease (GVHD).

My mouth always dry, I could feel my teeth is pulling each others. I have to use The Biotene mouth wash to relieve my dry mouth syndrome, at this moment it work quite well.

Day +255 : Book by Lance Amstrong, a member of the cancer community

I came across this book two years ago, but I did not buy it. It was during a book sales in PJ.

Here is the review about the book

Lance Armstrong, for those of you who may not know, is a two time Tour De France winner, post cancer, as well as a new Dad and Olympian. He grew up in Texas and trains there and in Europe, a world-class athlete. At 25, already an elite international bike racer, he was diagnosed with a virulent form of testicular cancer that spread to other parts of his body, including his brain, before it was stopped. He was young, strong, an athlete, single, well-off from his racing revenues and he faced a very poor prognosis. What is at least an inspiring story, is at its best a true portrayal of what cancer patients young and old face everyday. Some are not so fortunate with their outcomes, but It's Not About the Bike honestly reveals the side of cancer that most relatives and well-wishers never see: that treatment is truly awful, that patients are heroes, oncology units are places of very human emotion and that sometimes your best one liners pop out when your stomach is roiling and your hair is gone.

On the day of my second surgery, I knew what I was facing. I clutched Lance's book until the last moment before anesthesia when the pre-op nurse respectfully took my glasses and laid the book on the chair by the curtain. I had read and read in the days before and I was comforted. I was going where Lance had gone, I wanted an honest portrayal of the difficulties. I didn't want it sugar coated. He doesn't.

The moment that someone tells you this kind of bad news is profoundly confusing. The shock is immediate and the reaction can be to say: Let's get on with it. Let's get this thing cured and done and go on to the next thing. I don't have time for this. The reality is very different and the beauty and honesty of It's Not About the Bike is that Armstrong tells the entire story, not just the triumphant ending. He takes you through the surgeries, the seemingly endless days of profound chemotherapy induced illness and the rehabilitation. Armstrong guts it out on the pages of his book. You can feel his will. This same will is most certainly what has made him a world class athlete, but applied to cancer, it will inspire even those with no athletic ambitions.
The beginning of the book is filled out with Lance's recollections of his formative years, his indomitable single mother's unstinting efforts to improve their lot as well as Armstrong's early days of racing. We meet his agents, his international cast of friends and colleagues. Armstrong even offers some tantalizing hints at the fierce chess-like moves required of riders and agents in the heady echelons of world class racing. For those who don't follow the sport closely, this peek behind the scenes of international bike racing is enough. The main event in this book is the fight for life.

The most telling chapters are about chemotherapy. In these chapters, Armstrong lays it out for the uninitiated. He pretends no heroics, he tells it exactly as a patient sees it. The cure is horrific, make no mistake. But there is heroism in the telling. There is a wonderfully drawn portrait of his oncology nurse, LaTrice Haney. Lance banters and jokes with her when he can talk at all, he tells her about his bike and she allows him to be human in the midst of his pain. Hers is the best kind of nursing. We meet Jim Ochowicz, Lance's friend who tirelessly tries to distract him during the chemo marathons in the hospital. Heroes abound in this book. If we need to be taught about friendship and compassion, these are the teaching chapters.
Then there is life. In Armstrong's case, his cancer was gone after a year. He could start to rebuild and recondition himself for the road ahead. He attacks the project with the style of the athlete he is. He suffers the post-cancer existential survivor questions and rides through them. He begins a new relationship, falls in love with Kik, his future wife and acts like a guy again. In the pursuit of normalcy he is also one of us. The wedding, the longed for baby and the triumphs follow, but Lance Armstrong will never forget where he has been.

I will always carry the lesson of cancer with me and feel that I'm a member of the cancer community. Anyone who has heard the words You have cancer and thought, 'Oh my God, I'm going to die,' is a member of it. If you've ever belonged, you never leave.

It's Not About the Bike is non-fiction and not for everyone. If you have an interest in the spirit and resiliency of the human mind, read it. You will learn something. If you have a friend or a loved one who is touched by cancer, read it. There is comfort here and hope. If you have cancer, read it. It will give you a light for your heart.

Day +245 : Healed

I am fine today, I feel my foot and hand numbness is increasing, make me slightly discomfort.

To share my progress with family members and friend, I decided to setup a blog. This is useful because during transplant, I need to minimise the contact with outsider to avoid infections. Thus, the best way to keep them informed of my daily progress was to post my progress through this blog. I name my blog kcfoo96-healed.blogspot. The word healed represent my strong desired getting healed. July marked my 8 months of transplant.

I have started work since May 09 ( after 180 days of transplant), and I feel wonderful.

Day +243 : A youth story

I am fine today, just feel a bit tired. May be due to the hot weather.

Few days a go, Sin Chew reported a story about a youth having the aggressive lymphoma, Mr Tan , an undergraduate was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2007, after 8 cycle of chemo, he went for bone marrow transplant in Oct 2008, the donor was from his sister. The disease came back after three months. He suffering serious gums bleeding.

Today, the new said Mr Tan have passed away due to complications. My deep condolences to his family.

My type of lymphoma is also aggressive, the relapse percentage is high as well. So, can't think much about the future, I have learned to appreciate what I have currently.